Self Judgment
- Through The Eyes Of Others
We all have standards for ourselves, and self judgment is
a way of making sure we're true to them - but sometimes
it can overstep the mark.
Maybe you're in a social place and you unwittingly catch someone's gaze - you politely look away and so do they. Then low self esteem puts the boot in, often with a with a little voice in your head:
"I know they were judging me", "I bet they didn't like what they saw",
"I wish I was more (whatever)", etc.Based on what facts? Er... Here's something to think about: after your exchange, there's a possibility that the other person is thinking exactly the same thing that you are. Imagine that - their own self judgment is beating them up inside because they don't think they come up to your standards. You would never judge someone like that... would you? There's an NLP concept known as Mind Reading. It may sound like an exciting and spooky gimmick from the back of a comic book, but it's nothing to do with actually reading people's minds (thank goodness - one is enough to listen to!). Mind Reading is when you imagine what another person must be thinking. How do you know what they're thinking?
Well, it's what you would be thinking if you were them. But you're not them. You cannot know what another person is thinking, and especially what they're thinking about you - or even if they're thinking about you. You might try to guess, maybe based on their body language, but it can only be a guess at best. And what if you're wrong? There are plenty of other factors going on in that person's life that you know nothing about. Ask yourself - am I being fair to myself if I assume the worst from people with no actual proof? Also, am I being fair to someone else if my opinion of them is based only on guess-work? Interesting. What if you have real evidence that you're being judged for no reason - maybe a veiled sneer or comment? Well, that's just proof that someone is Mind Reading you. You can view their ignorant assumption of who you really are as their lost opportunity to know the good stuff. They dismiss themselves by default and you are spared from knowing their small-minded world. So, if you feel you're being silently criticized by someone, remember: 1. They might equally be feeling criticized by me. 2. I cannot know what they are really thinking
... just as they cannot know what I am thinking. 3. Only I can judge myself, and I have no reason to.
You may also be interested in
this article on Anxiety Disorder
Return from Self Judgment to Overcoming Low Self Esteem
Return from Self Judgment to Free Self Help Articles home page
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