Self Criticism
- Give Yourself A Break

People often assume two things about internal self criticism:

• If I could just shut the dialogue up, I can get on with my life.

• It must be working against me, and it wants to spoil everything.

The internal voice is actually a wonderful product of our higher brain. For a variety of issues, many people have sought ways to numb the higher brain and its self criticism through short-term self-medication, but that voice will always return with the same issues unless you take action. It's like taking an aspirin to stop the pain when you have a stone in your shoe - dealing with the symptom rather than the cause.

An internal voice of self criticism isn't actually your enemy, even though it may sound like it sometimes. Your mind is constantly processing information and learning new things. When something happens that it feels you need to learn from - maybe an unpleasant experience of some kind - it doesn't file it away immediately because it doesn't want you to encounter that unprepared again. Your mind wants to learn how to deal with those unpleasant experiences in case there's a next time, so it continues to bring the subject up until there's understanding and resources.

When you take steps to silence your internal voice without resolution, all you are doing is extending the time it takes to process and file. If you feel safe to do so, ask yourself:

• What lessons have I learned from that unpleasant experience?

• Was it just a one-off and unlikely to ever happen again?

• What steps can I take to make sure it won't happen again?

• If it does, what will I do differently?

Realise and re-assure yourself. You're together in this.

How about worst-case scenarios as pre-emptive self criticism - for instance, maybe you see someone you're attracted to, and the voice kicks in... "they're out of your league", "you'll be snubbed for sure", and so on. Again, it's not your enemy talking. It's your friend who wants to protect you!

Your internal friend is only acting on what it knows, and is naturally cautious about what it doesn't know - but if you stay on this path, you'll never gain new experiences. As long as it's safe, honest and legal, could you benefit from this in some way? What many people have learned to do is act on gut-instinct before self-doubt can appear. See something you want and act on it immediately. If it goes wrong, don't beat yourself up - you've expanded your knowledge and learned something.

Okay, so what if your internal voice is just plain critical all the time? This, my friend, is what is known as a bad habit. If you try and tolerate it or to constantly self-medicate, it can become depressingly reliable. We're so good at learning, so let's learn something better.

The reason behind the critical voice is often forgotten when you become good at putting yourself down. It really doesn't matter where it came from - you don't have to put up with it any longer.

Listen to that critical voice now - what direction is it coming from - left or right, above or below? Now notice the qualities of the voice - high or low pitched, quite or booming, maybe even a bit like someone who used to criticize you in the past.

You already know what the critical voice is saying - the same old boring, repetitive stuff that you're sick of hearing. You know those silly voices they have in cartoons? Maybe Sylvester or Daffy Duck? Change your critical voice now so that it speaks in a silly cartoon voice - yes, now!

Imagine that silly voice trying its best to make you feel bad now and any time in the future - and you used to think it was so serious! You can even move that voice away from you and hear how it gets quieter the further away it is.

Play with it whenever you notice it - now that's a good habit!


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